doctor jokes : If you are looking for doctor jokes or medical jokes. So we have 30+ doctor jokes in english. That mind blowing latest doctor patient jokes . You tell them your friends. Can share in WhatsApp status, FB story ect.
doctor jokes in english
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.
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Patient: Doc I keep on forgetting things.
Doctor: Since when did you have these problems?
Patient: What problems?
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Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That’s because you’ve got your hand on my watch!
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Monster: Doctor, doctor, I’m a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors.
Doctor: Oh what a shame. I’m a dentist.
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Doctor: “Liquor is a slow poison for you.”
Patient: “It’s all-right. I’m not in a hurry.”
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Patient: Doctor, You Must Help Me. I Keep Losing My Temper With People.
Doctor: Tell Me About Your Problem.
Patient: I Just Did, You Stupid Bastard.
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Doctor: “I have good news and bad. The good is you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “Oh no! then what’s the bad news?”
Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.”
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Doctor: ‘Your recovery was a miracle!’
Patient: ‘thank GOD. Now I don’t have to pay you!’
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Doctor : You are very sick.
Patient: Can I get a second opinion.
Doctor: Yes, you are very ugly too.
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A Lady to Doctor: My husband has the habit of talking in sleep! what should i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he’s awake
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doctor jokes in english
Doctor : “You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal.”
Patient: “Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home.”
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A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer.
“Oh, damn it,” he proclaims, “Some asshole has my pen!”
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Doctor: Did you take the patient’s temperature?
Nurse: No. Is it missing?
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Mohan : “Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?”
Doctor: “Your eyesight seems to be poor.” Mohan: “How did you come to that conclusion?”
Doctor: “You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital.”
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Half Dead
MAN: Doctor, doctor! I feel dead from my waist down.
DOCTOR: Ooh! Don’t worry. I will arrange for you to be half buried.
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My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn’t pay the bill
he gave me six months more.
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Patient to doctor: “On the top of your prescription these words are printed:
We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?”
Doctor: “Pay me. I will send it.”
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The New England Journal Of Medicine Reports That… ! ”
9 Out Of 10 Doctors Agree That 1 Out Of 10 Doctors Is An Idiot…”
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A man walked into the doctors office and said: “Doc, I’ve eaten something that disagrees with me.”
A voice from his stomach replies: “No you haven’t.”
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doctor jokes in english
Doctor: “What seems to be your trouble?”
Patient: “When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour.”
Doctor: “Try getting up one hour later.”
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Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!”
Patient: “I AM 60!”
Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?
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Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.
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Doctor : “Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live.”
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Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I’m invisible.
Psychiatrist: What!…who said that?
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Doctor: you look exactly like my third wife..!
Lady: How many wives do you have.
Doctor : Two…!
Moral: Express smart ideas
“Smarty’
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