25+ doctor jokes in english | medical jokes

doctor jokes : If you are looking for doctor jokes or medical jokes. So we have 30+ doctor jokes in english. That mind blowing latest doctor patient jokes . You tell them your friends. Can share in WhatsApp status, FB story ect.

doctor jokes in english

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.

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doctor-jokes

Patient: Doc I keep on forgetting things.

Doctor: Since when did you have these problems?

Patient: What problems?

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doctor-jokes

Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.

Patient: That’s because you’ve got your hand on my watch!

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doctor-jokes

Monster: Doctor, doctor, I’m a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors.

Doctor: Oh what a shame. I’m a dentist.

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doctor-jokes

Doctor: “Liquor is a slow poison for you.”

Patient: “It’s all-right. I’m not in a hurry.”

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doctor-jokes

Patient: Doctor, You Must Help Me. I Keep Losing My Temper With People.

Doctor: Tell Me About Your Problem.

Patient: I Just Did, You Stupid Bastard.

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doctor-jokes

Doctor: “I have good news and bad. The good is you have 24 hours to live.”

Patient: “Oh no! then what’s the bad news?”

Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.”

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doctor-jokes

Doctor: ‘Your recovery was a miracle!’

Patient: ‘thank GOD. Now I don’t have to pay you!’

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doctor-jokes

Doctor : You are very sick.

Patient: Can I get a second opinion.

Doctor: Yes, you are very ugly too.

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doctor-jokes

A Lady to Doctor: My husband has the habit of talking in sleep! what should i give him to cure?

Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he’s awake

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doctor-jokes

doctor jokes in english

Doctor : “You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal.”

Patient: “Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home.”

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doctor-jokes

A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer.

“Oh, damn it,” he proclaims, “Some asshole has my pen!”

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doctor-jokes

Doctor: Did you take the patient’s temperature?

Nurse: No. Is it missing?

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doctor-jokes

Mohan : “Doctor, can you diagnose my Illness?”

Doctor: “Your eyesight seems to be poor.” Mohan: “How did you come to that conclusion?”

Doctor: “You seemed to have missed noticing the sign, hung outside. This is a veterinary hospital.”

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doctor-jokes

Half Dead

MAN: Doctor, doctor! I feel dead from my waist down.

DOCTOR: Ooh! Don’t worry. I will arrange for you to be half buried.

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doctor-jokes

My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn’t pay the bill

he gave me six months more.

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doctor-jokes

Patient to doctor: “On the top of your prescription these words are printed:

We treat; God Cures. If so, would I give the fee to you or shall I send it to God?”

Doctor: “Pay me. I will send it.”

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doctor-jokes

The New England Journal Of Medicine Reports That… ! ”

9 Out Of 10 Doctors Agree That 1 Out Of 10 Doctors Is An Idiot…”

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doctor-jokes

A man walked into the doctors office and said: “Doc, I’ve eaten something that disagrees with me.”

A voice from his stomach replies: “No you haven’t.”

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doctor-jokes

doctor jokes in english

Doctor: “What seems to be your trouble?”

Patient: “When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour.”

Doctor: “Try getting up one hour later.”

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doctor-jokes

Doctor: “You’ll live to be 60!”

Patient: “I AM 60!”

Doctor: “See! What did I tell you?

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doctor-jokes

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

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doctor-jokes

Doctor : “Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live.”

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doctor-jokes

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I’m invisible.

Psychiatrist: What!…who said that?

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doctor-jokes

Doctor: you look exactly like my third wife..!

Lady: How many wives do you have.

Doctor : Two…!

Moral: Express smart ideas

“Smarty’

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doctor-jokes

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